"Myself" Misuse

Correct language was A Must in my family as I was growing up. Subject matter was not so important, which is why our dinner discussions frequently centered on school lunch. Other families may have been discussing Vietnam or the break-up of the Beatles, but we heaped our passions on things like the vile cafeteria ravioli, served on plastic, pale yellow platters in the years when canned Spaghettios were all I otherwise knew of “pasta.” At our dinner table, no subject was too minor. But godfahbid you say something ungrammatical, like, “to Tom and I” and talk would instantly come to a standstill, while Mom and Dad detonated from opposite ends of the table:

Dad (fork clattering to plate, hand over heart): “Oh! Not Tom and IIIIII!” while Mom (fork clutched in midair while she leans into the table): “You mean, Tom and MEEEEEEE!” Confusing when to use “me,” “him” or “her” (object pronouns) instead of “I,” “he,” and “she” (subject pronouns) was an offense of such order that my sisters, brother and I (note that I did not say, “me, my sisters and brother”) mastered the rule fairly quickly -- so it’s not like the above example occurred more than once, but there were many other pitfalls we all fell into, with much the same reactions.

Now, many years later, one of my language-conscious sisters has asked me to address the Myself Misuse. That is, why people, particularly well-educated people, use “myself” instead of “I” or “me,” in sentences like “Jessie, Tom and myself are giving the presentation;” or, “He offered to talk to Julie and myself.” Yes, ouch. (There is also, by extension, Yourself Misuse, as in: “Hey, how are you?” “Fine, and yourself?” where a simple, “Fine and you?” would be fine.)

A multi-degreed history professor of mine at my Distinguished College was the first Myself Misuser I ever encountered, which is a perfect example of how the Myself Misusers tend to be highly educated. So why the misuse? In my opinion (as opposed to any research or fact), it’s because these Highly Educated People are aware that there are tricky pronouns out there that occasionally, if used inappropriately, cause people like Mom and Dad to burst; and yet these Misusers are not grammatically inclined enough to wonder how and why their usage might be wrong. Besides, they might think “Myself” has an air of importance about it, its two syllables lording it over the humble “I” or “me.” Say it: “Myself” – nice the way it stretches out, a veritable linguistic life raft AND such a seemingly neutral way to sidestep any potential pronoun landmines. What they don’t realize is that their “solution” is just creating one more landmine.

Isn’t it just perfectly natural to say, “I cut myself!” or “She bought herself a new dress,” or “You should consider yourselves lucky,” and so on. Those are the right uses for these –self or –selves words, called “reflexive pronouns.” They can also be used for emphasis: “Can’t you go there yourself?!” or, listen to any two-year-old: “I do it myself.”

What’s happening in all those examples is that the reflexive pronouns are referring to the subject of the sentence:

YES: Jim likes to take long walks by himself.
NO: Jim took a walk with Bob, Emily and myself.
YES: Jim took a walk with Bob, Emily and me.
NO: Bob, Emily and myself are here to talk about grammar.
YES: Bob, Emily and I are here to talk about grammar.

Now that you are Highly Educated about this matter, you can either spread the word against Myself Misuse – or not. I promised myself that I would try, but you, ahem, can suit yourself.